So i figured i should probably make a journal worth reading. I'm sure by experience with my last few journals, you're probably hesitant to read anything i write about something serious, but i feel this should be brought up.

So I know we've all gotten the speeches in school about this crap, and i know we've all been told what to do, but I'm writing in hopes that i will be able to apply some practical points to all the junk they tell you to do.

as a kid, i was bullied unmercifully. i mean, the WORKS. i got called names, beat up, milk dumped in the lap, you name it. so i hope this qualifies me, or validates my points enough that i don't just sound like a pretentious know-it-all *headdesk*

first and foremost, i want to address a very old couple of sayings:

"sticks and stones may break my bones, but names will never hurt me."
"just ignore them, and it will stop."

on the first one--we all remember this. if you grew up in the U.S., especially during the 90's, we could hear this chant on any given playground at any given time for most of the week. and while it worked sometimes, it was only because it made the user feel empowered. unfortunately, after the millionth repeat, it loses it's power, and just gives the bully more ammo, as you can be called stupid for saying the same thing over and over. on top of which, if you apply the very same words to your life as you get older you know that words can hurt. very, VERY much. verbal abuse is one of those vague, untouchable subjects that no one quite knows where to draw the line with. and that's the hard thing about anything oral--it isn't visible, and it isn't touchable. unfortunately, people tend to be more flippant about things that aren't tangible, and this leads to many cases of verbal abuse going unchecked. a few pointers to make a distinction:

-if it hurts, speak up. the person may not have realized, and if they're sorry, they'll tell you so, and won't do it again.
-if they DID realize, and continue to do it, it's abuse.
-if any comment is made about you being inferior in ANY way because of your race, gender, age, etc in ways that make you unable to concentrate on anything else, or feel you can't do something, it's abuse.
-cursing. lots of it. non-stop. all the time. if that sort of stuff is directed at you, it's abuse, and may lead to physical abuse, so DEFINITELY watch out for this one.

on the second--it's complete. and utter. CRAP. anyone who tells you otherwise has never actually been bullied. the idea behind ignoring a bully to make them stop, more often than not, only tells them that they can not only treat you badly, they can get away with it because you won't "tattle". to ignore is to bury oneself in the problem, as my mother so eloquently put it. rather than ignoring, you should stick up for yourself. i know this is easier said than done, but if you can even manage a firm "stop it", it will at least get their attention. if the bullying continues, and it's truly making you feel unable to cope, tell someone. it can be a friend, it can be your parents--if you're still in school, tell a teacher. if it's severe enough, tell the principal. no one should have to sit through bullying just because they were told it's only egging them on to tell.

now, away from name calling, there's physical bullying. when people hear this, they normally think of kids getting the crap kicked out of them, or maybe getting shoved into a locker. while this is true to some degree (and that's horrible that it is), it's not the whole picture. physical bullying can also include:

-sexual harassment, which can be anything from an unwanted hug, to straight up rape
-pushing
-dirty looks
-damaging belongings/personal items
-sabotaging chairs or desks (i got this one a lot)

the list could go on, but those are a few people generally overlook, which is why i picked them. physical bullying is most common, and most visible, so it's easy to get immediate help, if you just ask. that sounds really terrible, that you need bruises or scrapes to be able to get help quick, but it's the way the world works, fucked up as that is.

now, I'm sure there are some people out there who don't think bullying exists at all. what i mean by that is, there are people who believe there is no being nasty, there's only over-sensitive kids. well, I'd like to dedicate this portion of the journal to those people:

whenever there is a school shooting, what do people always say? "oh, they were kinda quiet", "they didn't fit in", "they always sat at the back of the class", "they didn't have a lot of friends".
it drives me crazy that, no matter how much this is repeated, no one seems to make the connection, or do anything about it. kids who go off and kill or hurt people via shot gun, or knife, or whatever, were most likely being bullied before they snapped. and no, they don't necessarily have to have mental problems to go that far, either. i can make that point with this story i got from a friend:

while in elementary school, her life basically sucked. she was the smart kid in the class, but wasn't smart enough to figure out how to keep quiet about it, because at her previous school, she would be praised for raising her hand so much my students and teachers alike. no everyone thought she was a brainiac, and shunned her for that. one boy in particular just loved to pick her apart for anything he could find. the fact that she had ADHD, the fact that she had curly hair, the fact that her dad died, absolutely everything. and one day, after months and years of this, she made a decision. she found a pair of her mom's sewing scissors, and brought them to school, planing on stabbing the boy.
by some miracle, he was out that day, probably home sick. and after that, she kept the scissors for a week, but never did the deed, because she had lost steam, and had longer to reflect on what it would mean ot kill him.

but she only ever thought of it because she honestly could see no other way to make it stop.

this was in elementary school. when grade-schoolers are bringing in scissors with a plan to kill, there's something going on. and it needs to be taken seriously, and stopped.

for those of you who've been bullied--you know what it's like. hyou know how much it hurts. and you need to know that you aren't alone. it doesn't matter how much you need to press--if you have to start whining and throwing a fit (i hope you don't) to get someone's attention on the matter, do it. you'll be better off for it in the long run.
and for those of you who have bullied--I'm not making you out to be the bad guy. just know that what you do is more hurtful than you may be able to conceive, and it can, in extreme cases, get you hurt or worse.

i guess that's all. no particular reason, i just was thinking about this stuff and needed to voice it.

tl;dr version--don't be shitty to each other. it's sucky for everyone involved.

(and sorry for not capitalizing, my shift key is stuck)